The Journal of Albus Severus Potter
by dietcocacola101
Summary: When his mum buys him a journal, Albus has no intention of writing in it. But being a shy, socially awkward fourteen-year-old who is also questioning his sexuality has made him feel more alone than ever, and his new journal may be the only thing he has to confide in as he experiences the ups and downs of dating, drama, and growing up. Albus/Scorpius slash.
1. Chapter 1

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

I would like to start off by saying that I don't understand why my mum insists on buying James and I gifts that we don't need or want. She came home today with three diaries (that's right – _diaries_): one for Lily, one for James, and one for me. James asked, "What the ruddy hell are Al and I going to do with a diary?" They're his words, not mine, even if I do agree with him. My mum got all annoyed and said that we were supposed to write in them and that she got them on sale so we had better make good use of them. She even said we could call it a journal if we wanted to.

So here I am, writing in my "journal" in my room. I'm only writing in here so I don't hurt my mum's feelings because she got really upset when she spotted James chucking his in the trash can after dinner. I thought my journal was okay but I don't think I'll use it all that much. Maybe for doodling and writing down homework assignments. I thought it was a bit funny that Lily loved her diary and James hated his and I'm in the middle about it. I'm _always_ in the middle.

I'm stuck in the middle about something else too but it's a lot more important than who likes their diary/journal and who doesn't. I've been thinking about it a lot ever since I started my fourth year a few months ago which is bad because thinking about it scares me sometimes. I'm hoping that writing it out will make me feel better about it: I think I'm gay.

I hit puberty over the summer and we all know that hitting puberty means you start to like girls. I kept waiting and waiting for the transition to come and it never did. But then I got to Hogwarts and seeing the other boys on the Gryffindor Quidditch team changing into their robes got me excited (Merlin, I sound like a creep) and I started thinking, _"Why are the boys making me feel excited? Shouldn't it be the girls who are making me feel this way?"_ I tried to make myself like girls. I really did. I'm still trying but I just can't get that same excited feeling from girls that I get from boys.

My cousin Louis is the only person in our family who is gay and for the New Year he's planning on starting a club at Hogwarts called _Stand Together_ where "gays and lesbians can join and interact with each other in a safe environment so they know that they're not alone". That's how Louis explained it, anyway. I joined in with my other guy cousins when we (playfully) teased him about it but I'm actually thinking about going.

On a completely unrelated topic, Jimmy Albrecht (a chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team) got knocked off his broom by a Bludger last game and now he has a really bad phobia of them so he quit the team. James is the captain of the team and he keeps trying to convince Rose to take Jimmy's place because she's an excellent Quidditch player but she doesn't seem at all interested. I wonder why that is? She's not afraid of heights or anything and I know Uncle Ron would be really proud if she made the team. I'll have to ask her when I see her at the Burrow for New Years.

I have to go now. My mum is yelling up the stairs for me to get my bum downstairs for a family meeting. Dad didn't have a very supportive home life so now he and Mum call family meetings for everything. One time they called a meeting when Lily started wearing a training bra. You'd better believe that was awkward for everybody.

-Albus


	2. Chapter 2

Monday, January 11, 2021

One bad thing about being on the best Quidditch team Gryffindor has seen since my dad left school is that it gives me almost no time to do my homework. Not only that but I forgot to study for a test in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I just handed it in and I'm sure I failed. Right now I'm waiting for everyone else in the class to finish their test so I'm writing in my journal. I should probably be doing all the homework I didn't do over break, but I _really_ don't want to.

To make things worse, Francesca is making googly eyes at me from across the room. Francesca Miller is this girl who has wanted to go out with me since she found out who my dad is. I might have considered dating her if she wasn't only interested in me because I'm famous. But for the first time ever, I wish she was sitting next to me because Francesca is really smart and I could have copied her answers. She asked me to go to Hogsmeade last week like she asks me every time we have a trip to Hogsmeade. And I said no just like I say no every time she asks me. I wonder if she'll ever stop asking.

I asked Rose why she didn't want to join the Quidditch team after she yelled at James to stop asking her but she wouldn't give me a straight answer. She's been acting really strange lately. I think something is going on with her but I don't know what it is.

I'm having a bad day today. Nothing really bad happened but I didn't do anything productive all day. I just feel like the whole day was a waste. I wish I could start it over.

The only exciting thing that happened all day was I talked to Alice Longbottom about holidays with our families. I don't mean to sound conceited but I think she has a crush on me as well as Francesca. Except Francesca only likes me because my family is rich and very famous (and she always tells me how 'hot' I am) and Alice likes my personality as much as my looks. Oh no, now I _really_ sound conceited! I hope I'm imagining it and that Alice doesn't really like me but even James says she fancies me so I think it's true. Anyway, she was telling me how every New Year's party with her family is always the same, which I can't imagine. My family is so large and flamboyant so every holiday is different but always crazy. My family is one of the few things about my life right now that I really like.

I told Alice how every holiday is different with my family and she asked me how this year was different than last year's New Year's party. I know it seems pointless writing it all down again when I just talked about it but I want to think about it as much as I can because thinking about it is making me feel really good. It was such a good party.

My parents and all of my other aunts and uncles got really drunk on cheap champagne. When me and all my cousins were younger they wouldn't drink that much because they had to watch us to make sure we didn't choke on a grape or something (my aunt Audrey brings these really huge, juicy grapes every year) but now that we can take care of ourselves, they've been getting drunker and drunker every year. Which means they get funnier to watch every year. And get this: my parents were so drunk they even let James and I have some champagne! My mum's usual answer is along the lines of, "No flipping way" but this year she let us go right ahead. But then Lily asked and she said her usual answer because Lily is only twelve. My mum wasn't _that_ drunk.

The only people who weren't drunk were my grandparents and they tried to keep us out of trouble but James and Fred were planning something and when those two get together, no one can stop them. I guess my parents knew that because they let us be after a little while. It turns out that James and Fred had bought some Muggle fireworks and were planning on lighting them off at midnight. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal but I'd never seen Muggle fireworks before so I was really excited.

To be honest, I didn't think they were going to pull it off but they did and they were beautiful. I understand now why Muggles light them off illegally. We all got in trouble but it was totally worth it.

The last person turned in their test so my professor is talking now, so I should really wrap this up. My dad is really good at Defense Against the Dark Arts so I don't think he's going to be too pleased when he finds out I failed the test.

I got a flyer from Louis about _Stand Together_ and I found out they meet on Wednesdays. According to Louis, the club was a big success. I was too chicken to go to the first meeting. Maybe I'll go to the next one.

-Albus


	3. Chapter 3

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

I did it! I went to the _Stand Together_ meeting! I think you should be proud of me for going. Louis was. I told him everything I had been feeling and he understood. He even promised not to tell anyone because he wanted me to "come out" when I was ready.

And guess who was there? No, don't bother because you'll never guess it right. I'll just tell you: Scorpius Malfoy! I know, I couldn't believe it. We had never really talked because we got sorted into different Houses (me into Gryffindor and him into Ravenclaw) but I never suspected he was gay. He wasn't really talking to anybody, just sitting at a table, eating Chex Mix and glaring at anybody who asked him to share. It was pretty funny.

I talked to some people at the meeting and they were really nice but they were starting to make me feel weird. Everyone I talked to acted like my sexuality was set in stone and they were giving me all kinds of advice about coming out to my family and dating other boys. I tried to explain to them how I didn't know for _sure_ if I was gay. I told them I was still on the fence but almost everyone I talked to told me in this soft voice that I was in denial.

I got really upset and started thinking that I shouldn't have even come to this meeting because I didn't belong here _because I wasn't gay._ I told Louis that I needed to leave because I was starting to cry a little. At first I just wandered around the castle but then I ended up sitting on the front steps in just my jeans and my _Weasley's Wizard Wheezes _t-shirt in January so I was freezing. Now that I was alone I could cry freely so I started crying pretty hard. I was bawling like a baby when I heard the front door open behind me. I thought it was Louis coming to get me or Filch coming to yell at me but I was wrong on both accounts.

It was Scorpius.

He sat down next to me (still clutching the bowl of Chex Mix, by the way) and asked, "What's wrong?"

I thought about lying but I started telling him the truth before I even realized what I was doing. And let me tell you, Scorpius is REALLY bad at comforting people. I mean it. He just ate Chex Mix while I was talking and crying, and occasionally he would pay my shoulder or arm and say, "There, there." It didn't even seem like he had heard a word I said when I was finished and that made me mad.

But before I could yell, he finally said, "No, you're not."

Wait, I should explain. I finished off my story by telling him that I was confused and scared and now he was telling me that I wasn't? Git. But on the bright side, at least now I know he was listening. I was about to yell at him but he plowed on:

"You're obviously scared. I mean, look at you. You're a mess." He was referring to my wet face and heavy, panicky breathing. It was weird the way he said it, though. Not mean or anything, just observant. "But I don't think you're confused a t all. You wouldn't have come to the meeting tonight if you were confused."

I wanted to get mad at him again but I couldn't. I just got really scared because I knew he was right and then I started crying again. Realizing that he was right made me really start to panic and I guess Scorpius knew this because he gently put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Hey, don't freak out. Just – just say it out loud, okay? It sounds scary but I think it will make you feel better."

I wasn't so sure but Scorpius seemed to know what he was talking about so I did what he said. I took a deep breath and said, "I'm gay."

And it _did_ make me feel better, believe it or not. Don't get me wrong, I'm still terrified about how I'm going to tell my family (and the rest of the world) but I decided not to think about that just then. Scorpius quickly changed the subject after that because he wanted to take my mind off it and I was glad. We talked for a long time and I found out that Scorpius is really good at drawing and he loves coffee and he has a photographic memory. It's interesting because there's so much more to him than I thought. He even smokes cigarettes. I told him that he should quit because he's only fourteen and they can cause lung cancer but he said that he is an artsy type so he _has_ to smoke cigarettes. It comes with the job description and everything.

He's also really funny.

It actually makes me really sad that this is the first time we've really talked because I feel like we would have been really good friends. Scorpius is the only person that I've met so far that I would ever want to go on a date with. He's really nice and smart and sensitive. I asked him if we could hang out again at the meeting next week and he just looked at me like I was an idiot and then reminded me that Gryfindors and Ravenclaws have Potions together tomorrow morning so we could talk then. I think it's weird that I forgot that Scorpius and I have classes together because we've never talked during class. I also think it's weird that we've never talked during class. We didn't not talk because our fathers don't – er – like each other very much. We just never got around to it.

I don't understand why most people at Hogwarts hate Scorpius. He's so nice.

-Albus


	4. Chapter 4

Monday, January 18, 2021

My mum wrote to me this morning asking if I had been writing in my journal. It felt good to be able to tell her yes without lying. It's odd because I'm writing in it more than I thought I would.

I'm in History of Magic right now so I pulled out my journal to keep from dozing off. I know this class is boring but I've never considered sleeping through it before. I must be more tired than I thought. I haven't been sleeping very well since I went to my first _Stand Together_ meeting. I told Scorpius about that and he said that it was normal because I've been having a tough week. Scorpius and I have been spending a lot more time together these last couple of days. He's been helping me come to terms about my sexuality. Well actually, he just nods a lot and occasionally says things like, "I know what you mean," or "I've been there."

I've found out that Scorpius doesn't talk much. But he listens a lot and he actually cares about what I'm saying, which is nice. Over the weekend, I got him to tell me when he knew he was gay and you'll never believe it – he found out when he was _nine._ He told me that his father took him to a Muggle movie theater for his ninth birthday and Scorpius thought the male main character was 'a hunk'. He came out of the closet to his dad on the car ride back.

I asked Scorpius what it was like to tell his parents he was gay because I know that I'm going to have to tell mine eventually and thinking about it really scares me. Sometimes I think that I won't have to tell them, because I'll change my mind about girls. I think I'm still in denial a little. Anyway, Scorpius told me that telling his dad was scary but that he knew he would have to do it sooner or later. And he felt like if he walked around letting everyone believe he was straight when he wasn't would be like living this huge lie and he didn't want to do that. So he just "spit it out". I wish I could just "spit it out" too.

I like Scorpius a lot more than I thought I would. I think a part of me was still expecting him to be a horrible human being, even after I met him, because of all the things everyone says about him. I think about him a lot more than I thought I would, too. This probably sounds dorky but sometimes when I'm in class (not paying attention, of course) I think about kissing him and what it would be like. I think Scorpius is my first man crush.

Merlin's beard! I almost forgot! I found out why Rose has been acting so weird lately. It turns out that Scorpius's test scores are beating hers right now and she's freaking out and studying like crazy so she can be #1 in the class again. That's why she didn't want to join the Quidditch team, because it would interfere with her studying. I think it's funny how Rose cares so much about her grades. I told her this and she said that I'm failing so I don't have the right to make fun of her. I would just like to point out that I am not _failing._ I'm just failing Defense Against the Dark Arts. Merlin, I don't know why that's my dad's favorite subject. It's so hard.

Francesca still won't stop staring at me. I'm just glad that I'm coming out soon because I think my life will get a lot easier once everyone knows I'm gay. It's weird that I think that because usually people's lives will get a lot _harder_ after they come out of the closet but I have a good feeling about it. I just have the terrifying prospect of telling my family. Okay, I have to stop thinking about it now because I'm starting to freak out.

There's a Hogsmeade trip next weekend and I wish Scorpius would ask me to go with him but I don't think he will. He doesn't seem like the type of guy who impulsively asks you on dates. I want to ask him myself but I don't want to go out with anyone until my family knows so I think I'm going to tell them soon. I won't see them again till Easter so I'm probably going to tell my mum and dad over a letter, which makes everything a lot easier. And my mum likes to gossip so I'm going to let her take care of letting the rest of the family know.

Rose just told me how pleased she is that I'm taking notes for once. I decided not to tell her that I would never take notes in this horrendous class and that I'm writing in my journal. She seemed so proud of me and I didn't want to ruin her day. Do you see how selfless I am? Ha ha. I'm just glad that she didn't find out I was writing in my journal and tell James. He knew I was telling Mum that I was writing in it to please her but he would never let me live it down if he found out I was _actually writing in it._ I don't know why I put those last words in italics but it's more fun to write that way. When I do, I make my letters all slanted and loopy. It makes them look more intense.

I don't know how Professor Binns fails to notice that no one in his class is paying attention. If I saw someone looking that bored about what I was saying, I would stop talking immediately.

You know what I just noticed? I've been using a lot of big words in this entry like 'prospect' and 'horrendous'. That just proves that Rose isn't the only one in this family that is smart! I also noticed that I switch topics a lot. That's not necessarily (another big word!) a bad thing, it was just something I observed. Maybe that's why I don't get great scores on my essays.

Professor Binns is just about done with the lesson. Thank God! I have to pack up my stuff so I can go meet Scorpius and the Ravenclaws for Care of Magical Creatures. Oh, and one more thing: I'm excited for the next _Stand Together_ meeting!

-Albus


	5. Chapter 5

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

You'll never guess what I found out today. Apparently the Ministry of Magic is pushing to get gay marriage legalized. This is a very big deal and this has been a big issue in the wizard world for a while so I'm surprised that I didn't know about it until today. It's all everyone was talking about at the _S.T._ meeting so I asked Scorpius to explain it to me. He said that it's been illegal for gays to get married in the wizarding world until a few months ago when gays and lesbians went to the Minister of Magic (Kingsley Shacklebolt, he's a friend of my parents) and some other Ministry officials, asking for them to change the law. Mr. Shacklebolt is a really good guy so I think our chances are pretty good.

Scorpius and Louis (and the other members of the group) are really excited about it. And so am I. It feels good to be a part of something. Even if it is just a bunch of gay teenagers getting excited over a law that may or may not get changed. Maybe that's why Louis called the group "Stand Together". I don't know.

Speaking of the group, I haven't really told you what we do at meetings, have I? It's usually the regulars who show up like Olivia and her girlfriend, Jade. They're 7th years and they're in Ravenclaw. They're both really smart and cool and I don't know why they hang out with us every week. There's also Tommy, a Slytherin in his 5th year. He's always telling us funny stories about his childhood. Some of the others are Ben, Cassandra, Hayley, Johnny, Paul, Andrew, and Robin. There are others but they don't say much. I only gave you the names of the ones I've talked to and am friends with. Louis gets the house elves to bring us snacks from the kitchen and sometimes we play games. But mostly we all sit around and talk to each other or in a big circle, like in therapy sessions or AA meetings. I love when we all sit in the circle because everyone has to talk about something. Some people tell funny stories about when they come out of the closet, some people offer advice to newer gays, and some share news with us about the gay community. We don't always talk about gay-related stuff but we try to because that's what the meetings are all about.

Scorpius has been teasing me about how I never know anything (like the gay marriage thing) and during the meeting he told me to stop living under my rock. Ha ha ha, he's so funny. That was a fake laugh, by the way.

I've decided to send a letter to my parents telling them that I'm gay. I know what Scorpius meant when he said he felt like he was living a lie by walking around, pretending to be straight. I wrote the letter as soon as I got back from the meeting; I just have to work up the guts to send it. The whole gay marriage thing really got me motivated to come out. I want to support it but not in secret.

I told Scorpius that I was coming out and he just kept smiling and saying, "Good for you."

I just realized that I've written a lot about my gay-type problems so maybe I should write about something else now. I had this really weird dream last night. I was trying to tell my dad something but he wouldn't listen to me because he kept saying he was too busy. Only it wasn't work he was too busy with because in the dream he quit his job so he could be an artist and kept running around and trying to find paint and brushes and stuff like that. So I got really upset that Dad wasn't listening to me so I went to find Scorpius and he handed me shoes and said he wanted me to tap dance with him. Then I woke up. Like I said, it was really weird. I don't know why I even wrote it down. It seems pretty stupid now.

Rose has been spending all her free time in the library so she can get better grades than Scorpius. I should probably tell her that Scorpius doesn't care about his rank in the class but all of her nonstop studying has made her forget about lecturing me about my grades. Hugo took her place on the Quidditch team and he's just as good, even if he is only twelve.

I think I'm going to go now because I'm really tired. From the Quidditch practices to the weekly meetings to studying to hanging out with Scorpius to my nightmares…well, let's just say that I haven't been sleeping very well lately. I just sealed the envelope of my letter to my parents and I'm going to the Owlery to mail it as soon as I finish this journal entry. I'm going to finish it right now so I can mail my letter before I change my mind.

-Al


	6. Chapter 6

Sunday, January 24, 2021

I am in such a good mood! I feel like I could do anything. All of the things I've been worrying about seem silly now.

Okay, maybe I should explain. I got a letter back from my parents on Thursday but I'd been too afraid to open it. Finally, I say down and forced myself to read it. In the letter, my mum and dad said that they were shocked to hear that I was gay but that they're glad I told them instead of keeping it a secret. They also said that they love me no matter what my sexual orientation is. After I read their letter I was so happy, you can't even believe it. I went to find Scorpius to tell him the good news and guess what else I did? I told him that I had a crush on him and asked if he wanted to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend. And he said yes! I feel like laughing. Or singing. This is surprising for me because I'm a bad singer. _Really_ bad.

Everything seems like t's moving so fast. A couple weeks ago, when I was still confused and scared (before I even knew Scorpius or anybody from _S.T._)…it just seems so far away. I talked to James and Lily today and they were acting the same around me so I'm assuming Mum and Dad haven't told them yet. I wonder how they will react.

I still can't believe this is happening. Everything is happening so fast and I feel like I can't keep up. It's kind of scary. But I'm not going to let that ruin my good mood because this is the happiest I've been in a long time. I just feel so calm and at peace with everything, you know? Like I've been worrying for so long and now I can finally relax. I bet Scorpius feels like that all the time. I don't know how he does it. He's always calm and he never worries or gets upset. And he's so sure of himself. I wish I could be like that but I'm not.

Damn, I'm doing it again. My good mood will **NOT** be ruined. I feel like I should celebrate. I could really use a break. I will probably nick some food from the kitchen in a little while. I wish I could ask Scorpius to come with me but I'm afraid things will be weird because we're going on a date next weekend. Besides, I want to save awkward conversation for Saturday. I'm really excited but I'm nervous too. This is going to be my first date, you know. I hope Lily finds out I'm gay soon so she can tell me what to wear. I know I'm gay and gays are supposed to be good at that kind of stuff but I'm not. My mom has been telling me I have no fashion sense since I was born.

Maybe I should ask Rose to go with me. But she probably won't because she's too busy studying. I told her on Friday that Scorpius doesn't care about his grades but she said that wasn't the point. I really don't understand her sometimes. But even if I don't get Rose, I still miss her. She's my best friend and I feel like I haven't talked to her in forever. I want her to be the fourth person I tell. I don't know why, but I don't want her to find out from someone else. I just feel like we're closer than that.

I've decided that I'm going to fetch Rose from the library and make her come with me to the kitchen even if I have to lie. Then I'm going to tell her. I'm going to tell her about Scorpius too, about how I really like him.

Then maybe we can talk about boys. Ha ha.

-Albus


	7. Chapter 7

Saturday, January 30, 2021

Merlin's pants, do I have a lot to tell you. I just got back from my date but I'll tell you all about that in a minute. I wrote a letter to my mum and dad last week, telling them about Scorpius and they wrote a letter back saying they thought it was nice that I was dating a nice boy my age (I may have told them that Scorp and I were dating, even though that was a lie at the time). But you know what else they said? That I have to tell James and Lily that I'm gay myself! My mum's exact words were: _"Your brother and sister love you no matter what and they've always been there for you. You owe it to them to tell them yourself."_ I was so angry that she was making me do this after everything I've done for her (I've been writing in this stupid journal as a favor to her, for Merlin's sake!). I tried to get out of it but she wouldn't budge. Ugh. Mothers.

So I asked James and Lily to meet me in an empty classroom on Wednesday afternoon (before the meeting) and I told them. I told them about Scorpius too. And let me tell you, they reacted exactly the way I thought they would. Lily got really excited and kept telling me how cute Scorpius was. James had a mini heart attack when I was gay, and then threatened to "choke the life out of Malfoy if he treats me badly". It's strange but it actually went pretty well.

Alright, I'll tell you about my date now. I know you've probably been dying to hear about it. Ha ha. Well, Scorpius waited for me in the Great Hall and then we had to let Filch check our permission slips before he let us in. It was freezing outside and the snow was ankle deep so we could barely walk. At first we didn't say much because we were too focused on trying to get there. Scorpius suggested The Three Broomsticks but I suggested The Hog's Head because it wouldn't be as crowded so we went there instead. Scorpius got us Butterbeers and when he did, I was starting to wish that we had gone to The Three Broomsticks instead because the glasses were _disgusting._ I could tell that Scorpius thought so too but he didn't say anything. We sat down and talked for a while. Or rather, I talked. I told you that Scorpius doesn't say much. He made _me_ look like the talkative and outgoing one. I told him all about my parents' letter and telling my siblings and my family and stuff like that. We hadn't talked all week because we wanted to save all small talk for the date. I told him literally everything there was to know about my life and then it got awkward because I had nothing else to say. So I talked about the weather. Yeah…I was _that_ desperate.

I was about to sink even lower and talk about school when we were rudely interrupted by…my brother. James and my cousin, Fred, walked into The Hog's Head and did the whole, "Hey, what are you doing here?" gag. It was all very pathetic. I had to pull my dear brother aside to yell at him.

"What are you doing here?"

"It's a public place, Al."

"You know what I mean."

"Actually, I don't. Fred and I were just coming in for a drink."

"Cut the crap. You don't need to follow me around. I can take care of myself."

"I know that. But – but he's a _Malfoy,_ Al!"

"I'm aware. Now leave or I'll tell Mum on you. I'm serious!"

That threat pretty much got rid of him. And I was totally willing to tattle if that meant Scorpius and I could be alone. James and Fred left and Scorp and I left pretty soon after that. The whole interruption was very embarrassing but it gave Scorpius and me something to talk about. And yes, Scorpius actually talked for a little while!

"I'm just saying that your brother seems pretty popular. You would think that he would have better things to do than follow his little brother around all afternoon."

Scorpius said that and it got us both laughing pretty hard. Now that I look back it wasn't that funny but at the time, we thought it was the most hilarious thing ever. We went to Zonko's Joke Shop and Honeydukes and bought some stuff there but the most interesting part of the whole date was when we went to look at the Shrieking Shack. I told Scorpius the history of that place, about how it wasn't really haunted and that it was built for Teddy Lupin's dad (Teddy and Scorpius are second cousins, did you know that?) to turn into a werewolf safely. Scorpius said that he never knew that and thought that was pretty cool.

I was happy that Scorpius had been talking more and didn't want the date to get awkward again so I kept asking him questions like what his favorite is (orange) or what he does in his free time (drawing) or what his favorite dessert is (ice cream). But Scorpius is smart so he figured out that I was up to something pretty soon and asked what I was doing. So I told him and he said that he was sorry that he was being quiet and that he was only being like that because he was nervous and didn't want to say the wrong thing. I think it's funny that Scorpius showed he was nervous by not saying a lot and I showed I was nervous by babbling like an idiot.

I was about to tell him that but then if he asked if my hands were cold and I said yes because my fingers were freezing off. I thought he was going to comment on it or reach for my hand or _something_ but he didn't. He just started talking about something random. We were both leaning up against the fence, looking at the Shrieking Shack and his hand was sitting on the fence literally right next to mine. I wasn't listening to anything Scorpius was saying because I was too busy trying to build the courage to hold his hand so I didn't notice when he stopped talking. I finally had a moment of bravery and reached out to take his hand and then…he kissed me.

But I couldn't really feel it because I was pretty sure my lips were turning blue from the cold. It was a quick kiss and he was leaning back before I even knew what happened but I was really happy and bubbly the rest of the day. I think Scorpius felt so too, even if he didn't really show it, because he kept smiling at me as we were walking back to the castle.

And that's when our date came to an end. So sad, I know. I was feeling so happy that we kissed and that my first date well that I felt like nothing could go wrong so I asked Scorpius if this meant he was my boyfriend now. He didn't give me a straight answer (when does he ever?) but asked me if I _wanted_ him to be my boyfriend and I said yes. And he said okay and kissed me goodbye and then I walked to my common room and now here I am. It wasn't very romantic, I know. In fact, it was kind of awkward but that's okay. I just hope James doesn't kill Scorpius before our one-week anniversary.

-Albus Potter


	8. Chapter 8

Tuesday, February 2, 2021

IT IS SCORPIUS' BIRTHDAY! He is fifteen today and I'm really jealous because my birthday isn't until June. He keeps making jokes about how he's SO much older than me and acting all wise. It was kind of annoying but also kind of funny. He was also making cougar jokes and he called me "pedophile bait" all day. My boyfriend is very strange. But strange as he may be, I still feel guilty as hell for not getting him a present. He didn't tell me it was his birthday and we've only been dating four days…but still. And it's wintertime and all the plants are all dead so I couldn't even pick him any flowers. I told James this and he said he has no idea how he didn't know I was gay all this time.

Speaking of, _The Daily Prophet_ has already printed seven articles about my sexuality. James refers to it as my "gayness." I honestly have no idea how they even found out because everyone in my family swears they didn't say anything. Scorpius is just surprised that _The Daily Prophet_ has nothing better to write about. I said that he was just jealous because everyone and their mother cares that I'm not straight but when he came out, no one gave a crap.

"Conspiracy, man. And don't sass me, pedophile bait," was all he said.

"I hate you."

"You love me."

He's gotten a lot more talkative. Well, not really. He was just talking a lot today because he was excited it was his birthday. He's still all quiet and stuff when we hang out. Lily calls him the "strong, silent type." I don't really know what this means. My family has been trying very hard to be nice to Scorpius now that we're dating. My cousins say hi to him in the hallway and everything. Everyone has been making an effort to get to know him for me. Everyone except James.

James doesn't like Scorpius because of what happened between Scorpius's dad and our dad when they were kids. I tried to explain that Scorpius isn't like his dad but James doesn't believe me. If anything he's been meaner to Scorpius than usual. He calls him names and pushes him in the hallway and knocks his books out of his hands, but only when I'm not around. I wish he wouldn't do stuff like that. Lily, on the other hand, loves Scorpius. Especially since she found out he likes One Direction. I found it surprising that he likes them but I can't really judge because Taylor Swift is my guilty pleasure. Why are all Muggle musical artists better than ours? Oh well. I guess we'll never know.

Anyway, I hope Scorpius had a good birthday. I really do. He got lots of gifts from his parents which made me feel even worse for not getting him a present. His parents got him a lot of sketchbooks and coloring utensils, stuff like that. I told him he should draw me sometime and he said he might.

On a different topic, I find it very funny that all the girls in my school were freaked out and "depressed" when they found out I was gay. When Francesca stopped speaking to me, I felt a little smug but I think I hurt Alice's feelings too and I feel bad about that. I'm going to find her tomorrow and tell her I'm sorry for not telling her. Merlin, being gay is complicated. At least I'm not being bullied or getting beaten up for it like Scorpius was. I'd like to think it's because people have changed or they like and respect me too much but I'm not stupid. I know the real reason is because I'm Harry Potter's son.

Okay, I think I'm done talking about stuff like that. It's making me too sad. I'm trying to think of something happy to talk about but I can't think of a single thing besides it's Scorpius's birthday and that doesn't count. Um…the _S.T._ meeting is tomorrow? Damn, I can't think of anything! This journal entry is starting to get babbly and pointless so maybe I should wrap it up.

OH YEAH! Rose is #1 in the class again so she's in a good mood and doesn't emerge from the library only for class and mealtimes anymore. Now she had time to be my friend again. So yay!

Nothing very exciting happened today and I'm getting sleepy so I'm going to stop now. I will keep you updated on everything that goes on with Scorpius and my life (but mostly with Scorpius…ha ha).

-Al (A.K.A. Pedophile Bait)


	9. Chapter 9

Monday, February 15, 2021

Scorpius and I had our first fight today. Yes, already.

It all started when we were sitting outside after class, looking at boys in our school that we thought were cute. I started to feel bad because I didn't want Scorpius to think I was drooling over other boys so I told him that all the boys in our school didn't compare to him. He smiled and thanked me, and then I asked him what he thought of me. And do you know what he said? He said I was "cute". Isn't that just the lamest compliment ever? Cats are cute. Babies are cute. I want Scorpius to think of me as "sexy" or "handsome", not freaking "cute"!

I was so mad. Scorpius could tell something was wrong right away and he asked me what was wrong. I told him that it was annoying that he called me cute and his exact words were, "It's the truth. What else do you want me to say?"

What the hell, right? I pretty much stormed off after that and fumed for a while. I knew that I was probably overreacting but at the time, I didn't care. I just wanted to yell and scream and tell him how many girls at school were dying to go out with me. That was when I realized that I was acting like a total baby. So what if I didn't get the compliment I was looking for? It doesn't give me the right to throw a tantrum.

So I went back to apologize. Scorpius was right where I left him, which was good, and he accepted my apology, which was even better. And he didn't even make fun of me or get upset about me overreacting. I was pretty grateful for that. Then Scorpius told me that he didn't understand why I got so upset in the first place. I asked him what he meant and he said I didn't give him any time to explain. He said that by cute he meant, pure and innocent and adorable. He didn't mean to compare me to cats and babies and laughed when I told him that's what I thought he meant.

Then I heard the saddest thing ever. Scorpius and I kept talking and I found out that Scorpius doesn't find himself attractive. Isn't that so depressing? I mean, Scorpius is really foxy! How can he not know that? The whole rest of the day I kept telling Scorpius that guys (and some girls!) were flirting with him, and he just kept blushing and telling me to stop. For some of them, I was just making it up because I wanted him to feel good but some of them were actually flirting with him! I never even noticed how many people are interested in him and do you know what? I wasn't jealous! I was just happy that Scorpius felt good. And that made _me_ feel good.

I felt really stupid for getting so mad but I'm sort of happy because Scorpius and I had our first fight, which makes us an official couple! That's so cool.

-Albus S. Potter


	10. Chapter 10

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

I have big news! Do you remember when I told you that the Ministry is thinking about making gay marriage legal? Well, it is happening! For sure! Actually, they're just thinking about it but they're thinking about it for sure! It's all anyone in school can talk about. Some people are excited and some people are – oh, what's the word that Louis used the other day? Outraged! That's it! Some people are outraged, which I don't get. They said that they believe marriage should be between a man and a woman. Louis said that some people are stuck in their old ways and that the world is changing but they're not changing with it. Louis is pretty passionate about this. Scorpius doesn't really offer his opinion at meetings. He just sits there and only talks when he's forced to. The only time he drew attention to himself was last week when Louis accidentally got the regular Chex Mix instead of the cheddar kind and Scorpius nearly started a riot. That was pretty funny.

I can't go to the meeting tomorrow because I have Quidditch practice every night this week. We're playing Ravenclaw this weekend and I guess they're really good this year so we have to practice as much as we can. James keeps telling me not to go easy on them just because my boyfriend is in Ravenclaw. I told him not to worry because Scorpius would never want me to do that.

To be honest, I didn't think that Scorpius cared about Quidditch because he isn't on his House Team and he always seems bored at the games but I guess I was wrong because he bet me five Galleons on the outcome of the game! He seemed a little overconfident and said that his team is going to wipe the floor with mine. I just can't wait until we beat Ravenclaw so I can take his Galleons and wipe the smirk off his face! Okay, so maybe I'm a little overconfident too.

I think it's strange that Scorpius isn't on his House Team. Hey, is "House Team" supposed to be capitalized? At first I thought it was but now I'm not so sure. Oh well, I'll just ask Rose later. Aanywaaay, back to my point. Scorpius is really good at Quidditch and he used to be on the House Team house team but then he resigned. I asked him why and he said that he didn't really care about Quidditch either way and he felt bad that the kids who were really passionate about it didn't get a chance to be on the team because of him. So he resigned.

"Wow! That was so nice of you. You're so selfless."

"Nah, I'm just lazy. I needed more time for art, anyway."

That was our conversation when he told me. I don't know why but I remember little details like that. Dad says that if I remembered the stuff I learn in class like I remember random conversations, song lyrics, and useless information, I would have grades to match Rose's. Ha ha, like that'll happen.

Hey, maybe I have a photographic memory like Scorpius! Did I tell you that already? Oh no, I _did!_ I'm turning into my grandpa who is always retelling stories and doesn't even realize it! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED!? Wait, I know what it is but it's equally as horrible. Are you ready to hear this? I was skimming through my previous journal entries and do you know what I realized? I talk about Scorpius too much! I've talked about him in every entry since I've met! What if I talk about him all the time in real life too? No one has said anything but maybe they just don't want to hurt my feelings. James _is_ always joking about how I'm like a teenage girl. What if I am? Okay, time to talk about other stuff. Non-Scorpius related, manly stuff.

I saw a Muggle horror movie with James over Christmas break. It was called "Halloween" or something. James kept saying "Michael Myers is a total badass," over and over again and I have to agree, even if the movie did scare the pants off me. I'm not afraid to admit that because Lily ran out of the room halfway through and at least I watched the whole thing, even if I couldn't sleep for a week. And don't ask me why we were watching a movie called "Halloween" over Christmas break because I have no idea. My family is strange.

What else? Oh, I killed a cockroach the other day…with my bare hand. I was talking to Hugo at lunch when a cockroach crawled over my food and I was so mad that I just smashed it with my fist. I mean, the thing just ruined my whole meal! The house elves probably worked hard on that! Even Hugo said it was cool of me. I had to go wash my hands and by the time I got back, lunch was over but it was totally worth it.

Okay, so that's enough random manly stories for one day. I think we can all agree that I have enough strength to go for a while without talking about – er – _him._ I will have to ask Rose if she thinks I talk about him too much because it is really starting to bug me. I will let you know what she says.

I have to go to dinner and then Quidditch practice so I have to go now.

-Al


	11. Chapter 11

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Guess who beat Ravenclaw in the Quidditch match yesterday? I did! Guess who caught the Snitch before the other Seeker even knew what happened? I did! Guess who collected five Galleons from Scorpius after the game and gloated for the rest of the day? I DID!

Sorry about that. I guess I'm still in the gloating mood. I can't even tell you how excited I was last night. Do you know who _wasn't_ excited? Yep, you guessed it. Scorpius. And not just because he lost the bet but because, like I said, he doesn't care about Quidditch. Then he said that he only made the bet because I liked Quidditch and he wanted to make an effort to like the things that I like. Isn't that sweet? So that made me in an even _better_ mood. Until I got a letter from my mum and dad and they totally ruined it.

I guess my grades are worse than thought because Mum and Dad wrote to me and said that I can't date Scorpius any more until my grades get better! How unfair, right? It's not like Scorpius has anything to do with me failing. Or maybe he does, I don't know.

I was really nervous about telling Scorpius about the letter because I honestly had no idea what he would say. I got really scared the next day and every time I would see him and get ready to tell him, I would run away because I kept thinking, _What if he gets angry with me? What if he starts crying? What if he doesn't care at all?_

I guess Scorpius pays more attention to me than I thought because he cornered me after lunch and asked why I've been avoiding him. So I told him and guess what he said? That he would frickin' tutor me! That's pretty cool of him. I wrote to my mum and dad to tell them this and they said they don't care how I get my grades up, as long as I get them up.

I'm pretty glad that Scorpius is tutoring me because he's basically a genius. The only bad thing is that Rose is mad at me now because I asked Scorpius to tutor me instead of her. I explained that Scorpius offered but it didn't make much of a difference because she's still mad. Another (sort of) bad thing is that Scorpius _actually_ wants to study! That sounds strange so let me explain. We were in the library for our first study session and I wanted to snog because I wasn't really focused on studying. I get distracted very easily, you know. Maybe that's why I'm failing.

So anyway, Scorpius didn't want to snog because we had work to do, which sucked because I was bored and horny and wanted to snog him really bad. I haven't really talked about it but Scorp and I do snog quite a lot. I'm starting to get very good at it. Not that I wasn't a good kisser before but I was an amateur and now I'm not. Snogging is as far as we've gotten so far, though, because we both want to take it slow. James keeps asking me if Scorpius has "whipped his dick out" before and I always say no and then he tells me that If Scorpius ever does, I have every right to punch him in the throat and file a restraining order against him. It's sad because I have no idea if he's joking or not. I never do.

Anyway, Scorp and I haven't really gotten any farther than the snogging. Like I said, we're trying to take it slow. I don't even know what Scorpius's penis looks like.

Okay, back to the library. I told you I get distracted easily. All of those goddamn books were cock blocking me all day because every time I would try to kiss or touch Scorpius, he would hide behind a stack of them and say we needed to focus on studying. To be honest, I wasn't getting much work done because my thoughts kept distracting me and Scorpius was getting pretty mad at me. I felt bad too because hedidn't have to help me, yet here he was. So then I really tried to concentrate and forgot all about Scorpius's lips (I had been staring at them) and I actually learned stuff! Quite a lot actually. Studying isn't that hard if you really, REALLY focus on it.

That's pretty much everything that happened today. Right now I'm sitting on my bed and thinking about it all. Besides getting cock blocked all afternoon and Rose being mad at me, it was a pretty good day. Especially because Scorpius and I snogged in the library before I came up here. Man, Scorpius is a good kisser. His gum accidentally got in my mouth after we had finished snogging and I forgot to give it back to him so I spit it out. He's always chewing mint or peppermint gum, which I don't like very much. I like the fruit flavors better.

-Al Potter


	12. Chapter 12

Thursday, March 11, 2021

Holy crap, so much has happened today. I just got back from the hospital wing and I am so tired but I have to vent. Today started off so great. Leave it to James to ruin it.

Let me explain. I started the day off happy as hell because Scorpius got me a gift. He painted a picture of me and it's _amazing._ It actually looks like me, too. Scorpius said he's been working really hard on it and wanted to give it to me for our two month anniversary but he couldn't wait. Can you believe we've been dating for almost two months? I can't.

Anyway, back to the picture. I put it in my bag after he gave it to me and I couldn't stop taking it out and looking at it. No one's ever given me a gift so cool before.

I feel like it was sort of a reward because I've been doing so well in school. With Scorpius's help, of course. I really do appreciate everything he's doing for me. I wish I could get him a gift too but I can't think of anything he would like. Scorpius has been helping me so much that he's starting to lose sleep. _And_ there's no smoking in the library so he has to cut back on cigarettes, which makes him a little crankier than usual. I pretended to be sympathetic but I'm actually happy that Scorpius is cutting back. I like that he always smells like vanilla, cigarettes, and paint but I hate snogging a smoker.

Okay, maybe I should explain why I was at the hospital wing. I'm perfectly fine, don't worry. It's Scorpius who isn't. It There's nothing _really_ wrong with him. Like, he hasn't been cursed or anything but he _has been_ a victim to one of my brother's pranks...again. Merlin, James just won't leave him alone.

I'm not sure what exactly happened because Scorpius, James and Madam Pomfrey all won't tell me but I'm pretty sure it had something to do with firecrackers. I got really mad at James and started to tell him off but he said, "Save it. I already got a Howler from Mum and I'm grounded over Easter break. I don't need to get yelled at by _you_ too."

I was sort of surprised that my parents were so harsh. I mean, sure, what James did wasn't nice and _I_ was pissed but I didn't think they would be. Apparently Scorpius really could have gotten hurt and my mum and dad are tired of getting letters from Scorpius's parents about James being a bully.

So I _am_ mad at James but I sort of feel bad for him too. I feel bad for Scorpius as well but at least now he doesn't have to worry about my brother picking on him any more.

Okay, I'm done venting now and I can hardly keep my eyes open so I'm going to go to bed now. But first, I'm going to look at my picture some more before I go to sleep because I don't want to go to bed in a bad mood.

-Albus


	13. Chapter 13

Saturday, March 13, 2021

Today was the first Hogsmeade weekend since I went on my first date with Scorpius and I went with Rose this time, since she's not mad at me any more. Scorpius and I planned on going together but I went with Rose instead because I haven't been spending much time with her lately and I miss her. I think Scorpius ended up going with a few of his Ravenclaw friends.

There was a lot I had been meaning to ask her, like if I talk about Scorpius too much. And according to her, I don't! She said she was _really_ grateful for that because whenever Lily gets a new crush, she never shuts up about him. Rose also said some other things that really depressed me, like that she feels like I'm "leaving her behind". I asked her how and she said she couldn't explain and I panicked a little because I didn't _want_ to leave Rose behind and I didn't know how to stop.

I ended up just telling her that we would hang out more and she could get to know Scorpius better if she wanted, so she could hang out with us. She said that would be fine as long as we didn't snog the entire time we were hanging out. Ha ha, she's so funny. Not.

I asked Rose what was going on with her but she said nothing. Nothing _ever_ goes on with Rose. Ever. I'm not exaggerating, either. She needs to hang out with me more so her life will get more exciting. Ha ha.

Rose _did_ fill me in on some big news, though. Teddy and Victoire are getting married over the summer! Exciting, right? I'm happy for them and all but I'm a little surprised that Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur are okay with Victoire getting married so young. _My_ parents would be flipping out if I got married before thirty.

Do you ever wonder who you will get married to? It's weird to think that the person you will marry is walking around right now. Hopefully mine is in Hogsmeade with his friends right now but I can't be sure. Thirty is a _looong_ way away. Besides, Scorpius _is_ my first boyfriend. The chances of us getting married are close to zero. Okay, now I'm getting depressed again.

I'm sitting in the common room in the middle of the night, writing in my journal instead of sleeping. I think I ate too much candy because I'm not tired at _all._ Boy, I'm really going to regret this in the morning. Especially because I have History of Magic in the morning. It is _impossible_ to keep your eyes open in that class! Scorpius and Rose always do, though. They actually listen to Professor Binns and take notes.

What the hell is wrong with my friends?

-Albus Potter


	14. Chapter 14

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

It will be mine and Scorpius's two month anniversary in a few days and I guess that means a lot to my parents too because they wrote to me and asked if Scorpius wanted to come over for dinner over Easter break sometime. They said they wanted to meet him.

Now that I think about it, it makes sense that Mum and Dad would care about my relationship because Lily's crushes don't get any further than a crush, and James's relationships don't last more than a week or two. So I guess they're pretty proud of me. It's kind of a weird thing to be proud of, but I'll take it.

I asked Scorpius about it and he said it's cool with him, so he's set to meet my parents! I'm kind of nervous. Is it bad that _I'm_ nervous? Imagine how Scorpius must be feeling! And imagine how I will feel when I meet Scorpius's parents! Oh no, now I'm worrying about it! Okay, time to think about something else.

Scorpius has this really beautiful burrowing owl named Michelangelo. I asked Rose about it and she said Michelangelo was this really impressive Muggle artist. Scorpius is really into art so I'm assuming that's why he named his owl that. I wished I had put that much thought into Simon's name. Scorpius is really jealous of Simon, by the way. He said that he's always wanted a pet ferret but his dad won't let him have one and won't tell him why. I brought that up with my dad and for some reason; he thought that was _really_ funny.

Don't get me wrong, I love Simon but I also wish I had an owl. It's like when your parents get you a cat and you're a dog person: you love your cat to death but you still really want that dog. Besides, the owls at The Owlery are crap. They take forever to get the letter and I'm very impatient. I hate waiting.

On a different topic, Scorpius started smoking again, which is a bummer. It's because my grades are a lot better so we haven't been spending as much time in the library. Now his mouth tastes nasty again when we snog so I've been tricking him into chewing lots of gum and breath mints. Actually, I'm not tricking him at all. More like I'm offering to give him gum if he does things for me. I'm a lot smarter than he, or anybody else, gives me credit for.

I don't know about everybody else, but I'm really looking forward to Easter break, and not just because of the Scorpius thing. I'm just really tired from school and I need a break. _Badly._ Merlin, school is a pain in the ass.

-Albus


	15. Chapter 15

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

Today was mine and Scorpius's two month anniversary! To be completely honest…I forgot. But I knew that Scorpius would get me something because he goes a little crazy on gifts, so I got him flowers. It's a bit of a girly gift, I know, but Scorpius liked his flowers, which is good. Scorpius got me a mix tape. I wasn't too thrilled about it at first because mix tapes are really old-fashioned but then I listened to the songs on it and now I can't stop listening to it. Here are the songs on it:

_Home_ by Phillip Phillips

_Kiss Me_ by Ed Sheeran

_I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing_ by Aerosmith

_Tighten Up _by The Black Keys

_A Drop in the Ocean_ by Ron Pope

_Sea of Love_ by Cat Power

_Little Things_ by One Direction

_Arms_ by Christina Perri

_Smile_ by Uncle Kracker

_Accidentally in Love_ by Counting Crows

_Rhythm of Love_ by Plain White T's

Scorpius told me that they're all Muggle artists but that they're some of his favorites and I have to say, I agree. This is going to sound cheesy but I love how all of Scorpius's gifts come from his heart, you know? First the picture and now this. I'm feeling pretty bad about my shitty flowers now.

These are really good love songs and I'm surprised Scorpius found so many that he knew I would like. Seriously, there wasn't one song on there that I didn't love. I wish I could think of cool things to give Scorpius, so I can return the favor, ya know?

I almost showed Rose my mix tape like I did with the picture but then I decided not to at the last minute. I'm not sure why. A part of me was worried that she would make fun of me but most of it was because those songs were really personal. I could tell that they were really intimate and Scorpius intended them to be for my ears only. I felt like if I let someone else listen; it would be an invasion of his privacy. Almost like I was embarrassing him. That sounds stupid but I can't stop thinking about it. That's why I didn't show anyone and I never will. This is the one thing I want to be just mine.

I talked to Teddy recently and told him about Scorpius and about how I like him a lot and I feel like our relationship is going well, almost perfect. He told me I was experiencing puppy love and Scorpius probably was too. He described it as "the honeymoon stage" as well. He said that it lasts for the few couple of months, when the relationship is fun and new, but after that stage is over, it can get hard to keep the relationship going.

I'll be honest; he freaked me out a bit. I don't want to lose interest in Scorpius after our honeymoon stage is over. That _sucks!_ But who knows? Maybe Scorpius and I will make it, like Teddy and Victoire did.

I'm going to go listen to my mix tape again and enjoy being in puppy love while I still can.

-Albus S. P.


	16. Chapter 16

Thursday, April 1, 2021

Holy crap. That's all I have to say. _Holy crap!_ It has been such a horrible day. I can't believe that just two days ago was mine and Scorpius's two month anniversary and I was so giddy and happy. Now I can't even look at him.

I'm going to explain, don't worry. I need _someone_ to vent to. I can't go to my family because they will just bash Scorpius and I'm not sure I want them to do that, even though I'm mad at him. So I found out today that Scorpius hasn't told his parents about me and him. That we're together, I mean. I asked him if he wanted me to meet his parents and then he told me they didn't know he had a boyfriend and acted like it was no big deal. Then he made it seem like _I_ was the one who was overreacting when I got mad. I hate when he does that.

I was kind of surprised that Scorpius managed to keep me a secret for that long. Scorpius said it's because his parents keep to themselves, which makes sense because the whole wizarding world hates them. I made sure to tell this to Scorpius because I knew it would hurt his feelings. It worked, too, because he got mad and we started to get into a real argument, instead of me yelling at him and him rolling his eyes at me.

I asked him, "Why did you keep us a secret?" because I really wanted to know, even though I was pissed at him. I never imagined he would want to hide me away and I really wanted to know his motives.

"I was afraid of what my parents would say, okay?" he said. "Our dads don't exactly get along."

I think it's funny (not ha ha funny, but interesting funny) how he made _me_ tell _my_ dad but he was too much of a coward to tell his. And yes, I told him that too, and also that he was ashamed of who he was. That made Scorpius really pissed and he started yelling at me. I mean _really_ yelling at me. His face got all red and his voice got scary loud. He bellowed at me not to talk about things I don't understand and that I don't really know him.

At first I thought he was crazy because I've been his boyfriend for two months, so of _course_ I know him. But now I'm starting to think he was right. Maybe I never knew him at all. That really scares the crap out of me.

"Maybe you're right," I told him. "I think you're more like your father than you think, Scorpius. I don't think we should be together anymore."

"I couldn't agree more," he said and then we both stomped away in different directions. I suspect he was going to his common room, because that's where I went. I walked into Gryffindor tower all pissed and cranky and I didn't talk to anybody. Lots of people kept asking me what was wrong but I told them to bugger off. I feel a little bad about it now.

People were getting annoyed with me and I was getting annoyed with them so I came into my dorm and sat on my bed. I listened to my mix tape for a while (because even though I hate Scorpius right now, he does have good taste in music) and tried not to think about my stupid (ex?)boyfriend. But then I started to really listen to the lyrics in the songs and I thought that Scorpius must have put a lot of thought into them. That's what I'm doing right now, laying on my bed and listening to my mix tape. I wonder if Scorpius will ask for it back now that we've broken up.

Merlin, have we broken up? I mean, I know we _said_ we were, but we were both hacked off at each other. Hopefully it was just a heat of the moment thing. Hopefully I can work it out with Scorpius when I see him tomorrow. I don't even know if Scorpius _wants_ to work it out.

You know what? I'm tired of chasing Scorp around. If he wants to get back together, _he_ can come find _me._ And if he doesn't, then I guess I'll know what he really thinks of me.

Okay, I'm going to walk to Hagrid's. I haven't been there in a while and I know Scorpius won't be, so it's a good place to go. Besides, I don't really want to be alone anymore.

-Al Potter


	17. Chapter 17

Friday, April 2, 2021

So, I have a boyfriend again. Scorpius tracked me down on my way to breakfast this morning and said he wrote a letter to his parents last night, telling them about me. He hasn't heard back yet. I assumed that we hadn't broken up after all but I still asked him anyway. He grinned at me and said, "Yeah, we're still together. You know, if that's okay with you."

"It's okay with me," I said and then we grabbed bacon and walked around the grounds together.

I'm glad that Scorpius told his parents about me. Even if we didn't get back together, I wanted them to know that he had dated me. I know that doesn't make sense, but it's important to me.

I'm back in my dorm and writing in my journal. I wanted to write this down in case somebody ever picked up my journal and read it. I didn't want them to think Scorpius and I had broken up for real. It's actually really weird that I did that because the odds of someone finding _my_ journal in the future are pretty slim. I dunno, I'm pretty weird like that.

I have to leave soon because Scorpius and I are going to study in the library for a while pretty soon. End of the year exams are coming up and I want to be prepared. There's one thing I wanted to tell you before I leave: Scorpius started smoking again. I know, I know, it sucks. It's weird, though, because he never actually quit smoking but in my mind, he did. It sucks because I have to keep kissing a smoker but when he hugged me goodbye today, he smelled like he always smells: like cigarettes, vanilla, and cologne. I love that smell.

-Albus P.


	18. Chapter 18

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Happy Easter! Today is the first day of Easter vacation and, well, Easter. James, Lily, and I got home yesterday. We spent some time there but then went to the Burrow, where we slept over. The whole family was over and I've had a lot of fun so far.

Oh, hey! Louis has a boyfriend! That's right, it's this newcomer at the _S.T._ meetings. His name is Joey or Jordan or something. He's pretty nice. It's all my family has been talking about, which is amusing. I'm happy for Louis but I'm also happy for me because at least my family has stopped teasing me about Scorpius...for now. I'm sure they will start again once Louis and Joey/Jordan are old news.

I have more happy news. Scorpius sent me a letter this morning and the first thing it said was: _Good morning, Albus! I hope you have a great day!_ He's such a great boyfriend. I bet Joey/Jordan doesn't do that kind of stuff for Louis. Hehehe. The letter really didn't say anything else, just his plans for the day and that he hopes I have a good Easter. Stuff like that. He's so sweet. I didn't get a chance to write a letter back, but I will soon. I'll probably send him flowers or a gift or something, too, so he knows he's not the only one in this relationship who can be cute.

My dad asked me what day Scorpius will be coming over for dinner earlier. I actually talked to Scorpius about that just recently and he said that his parents said he could come over any day. So that's what I told my dad and we decided to set the date for Friday. I just have to tell Scorpius and it's set in stone. I'm actually really nervous about him coming over. That's funny, isn't it? Why am _I_ nervous? Just imagine how I'll be when I have to meet Scorpius's parents! I'll be a wreck.

But as nervous as I am, I'm mostly happy that Scorpius and I are okay again. It would suck if we made dinner plans and then I had to tell my parents that we broke up so the dinner was off. Now _that_ would be awkward.

As much as I like Scorpius, I'm sort of happy to be away from him. That sounds horrible, but I don't mean it in a _really_ mean way. It's just that we hang out so much that I'm happy to have my own space again and to hang out with my family. I feel like I never see them any more. Oh yeah! Alice Longbottom and her family are coming over for Easter as well. It will be cool to see her again because we never talk in school any more. I really need to change that.

I have to go now. We're starting the annual Easter egg hunt soon and I want to get ready!

-Albus Potter


	19. Chapter 19

Friday, April 9, 2021

James is such a jerk. I hate him.

I know that all kids say that about their siblings, but I'm serious. He always ruins everything that's important to me and sometimes he's just plain mean. I don't think I've ever been more pissed at him. This is, without a doubt, the worst thing he's ever done. I just can't believe he would sink that low. Merlin, what is _wrong_ with him!?

James promised he would be nice to Scorpius tonight. He _promised._ Only he didn't live up to that promise, which I should have expected. Okay, so long story short: James made Scorpius cry. Yes, my stupid brother made my boyfriend cry right there at the dinner table, in front of everybody.

So Scorpius showed up at six, exactly when he was supposed to. He even brought a casserole his mum made (which tasted amazing) and he was wearing this sweater vest that most guys (including myself) would look awful in but he actually looked cute. My mum was going to make spaghetti but Lily made her change it because she says that spaghetti is the worst food to eat on a date. I don't know how she knows this. She is twelve years old.

So Mum made chicken instead and Scorpius complemented her on it and everything. He sent me a letter the day before, saying he was really nervous but you wouldn't have known from the way he was acting. Normally, Scorpius is all shy and awkward but he was really nailing it with my parents! Until James got home.

I'd like to remind you once again that James promised me he would be nice to Scorpius during dinner. Then again, he promised Mum he would be back from hanging with his friends in time for dinner (which he didn't) so I don't know why I'm so shocked he broke _my_ promise too. Anyway, he started being a dick as soon as he sat down. To Scorpius, I mean. He kept saying all these really mean things like, "You walk like a girl," and "Your laugh is so _high-pitched_," and "Merlin, you dress like a faggot!" Scorpius kept trying to play it off as a joke and trying to act like it wasn't bothering him, but after that last comment, he started bawling right over my mother's chicken. It was awful.

My dad took Scorpius out onto the porch to calm down and then came back to yell at James. Well, he tried to. He couldn't really get a word in because Lily, Mum and I were really letting him have it. You would think James would have felt bad and apologized, but no. Instead, he got really defensive and said that Scorpius was being "overly sensitive" and that I was too. That made me so mad. Just because we're gay, that means we're extra sensitive? I told James to shove it.

My dad and I went back out on the porch to check on Scorpius. I was really glad that he wasn't crying any more when we went to check on him, but he _was_ smoking a cigarette, which I don't think my dad was too happy about. He'll probably talk to me about it later, or my mum will casually leave flyers about how bad smoking is around the house. Anyway, we convinced Scorpius to come back inside and Mum made James apologize. Scorpius just mumbled, "It's fine," and kept staring at his shoes. He wouldn't look anyone in the eye after that. I think he was embarrassed for crying in front of my family. I guess that makes sense, but it makes me mad too. _James_ is the one who should be embarrassed, not Scorpius!

Scorpius was supposed to stay for dessert (my mum made cookies) but he made some lame excuse and left early. I blame James for that too. Everything is his fault. He couldn't be nice to my boyfriend for one night, not even as a favor to me. Mum yelled at him again after Scorpius left and told him to apologize to me.

James said, "Sorry, Al."

It was the lamest apology ever. He didn't even pretend like he meant it and he rolled his eyes. So I looked him dead in the eye and said,

"I don't accept your apology. This is the worst thing you have ever done and I'll never forgive you."

Then I came up here and starting writing in my journal. I feel bad that everyone else had to wash the dishes, but I'm too mad at James to be around him right now. It's worth it if I get yelled at later.

I think I'm going to write to Scorpius and apologize for my stupid brother (as if I haven't done enough of _that_ tonight – he could apologize for his own actions once in a while, you know!) and tell him not to be embarrassed and stuff. Maybe that will make him feel better.

-Albus


	20. Chapter 20

Monday, April 12, 2021

So, I saw Scorpius for the first time today since the James incident. I apologized (again) for James's behavior and Scorpius was really humble about it. He was acting weird, though, like he wanted to get away from me. And he kept looking around. At first I thought that he was mad at _me_ for some reason, but then I realized that was ridiculous. He was probably just looking around to see if James was coming.

Hey, that's it! Now that I mention it, Scorpius has been acting weird all day. Whenever I would bring up James, he would change the subject really fast and it's hard for me to get a word with him because he's never alone in the hallway any more. Shit! My stupid brother is making Scorpius change his whole lifestyle! God, I hate him!

Okay, no need to worry. I'll just talk to James and work it out. He's already on strict orders from Mum and Dad to leave Scorpius alone at school, but I think I'll remind him, just in case. Heheh. Sometimes I like being the devious brother.

Ooh! I have exciting news! I was talking to Scorpius today and he told me that the Minister of Magic (Kingsley Shacklebolt, as we both know) is announcing whether the gay marriage law is going to be passed at the Ministry of Magic on July 1st! He's going to hold an assembly for the announcement and everything! Scorpius said he's going and I was really jealous so I told Louis about it and we convinced our parents to let us go too.

Louis told me earlier that he got an owl from his dad, who said that the whole family would be there, if we wanted! I think that's really cool of them. I told Scorpius about that and he joked about me trying to upstage him. At least, I _think_ it was a joke…no, no, it definitely was.

Anyway, Louis told me that he has something special planned for this week's meeting but he won't tell me what it is! I hate it when he does that! Here I am, practically peeing with anticipation over here and stupid club President is planning the events without telling his own cousin. Selfish bastard.

So, on a happier note, finals are coming up soon. I don't know why I said 'on a happier note' because finals are not a happy time. Well, for geeks like Scorpius and Rose, it might be. Ha ha, just kidding. I have to study even more, which sucks but it will probably pay off in the end, which doesn't suck. Finals are really stressful, though. Scorpius told me that every year, he freaks out and has a panic attack. I laughed when he told me that because I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. Huh. He and Rose are more alike than I thought. It's weird that they don't like each other.

I should probably get going now. It's about time I go scold James (again) for picking on Scorpius. I should probably check on Scorpius, too, to see how he's holding up. A little comfort snogging wouldn't hurt, either. And maybe after that, I'll bug Louis to tell me the big secret. It probably won't work, but it will give me a chance to annoy him. Man, am I going to be busy tonight. Well, bye now!

-Albus P.


	21. Chapter 21

Friday, April 30, 2021

Sorry it's been so long since I've written. I've actually been really busy with _S.T._ meetings and schoolwork and studying ahead of time for exams. It's all been exhausting.

So guess what? Today is mine and Scorpius's three month anniversary. It _should_ have been a really exciting day but James and I are on speaking terms again. That should be a good thing but he likes to wreak havoc on everything in my life. So, James told me that three months is the deadline for sex. Yep, that's what he said to me. Crazy, right?

I said, "I'm fourteen!" but he said that age doesn't matter at all to a teenage horn dog and that I should be cautious around Scorpius today. All I could think was that James was an idiot…at first. Scorpius and I were hanging out all day and I tried to act normal, but I think I _was_ acting more cautious around him than usual. All I could think of was James saying, "If you don't do him, you're going to lose him!"

I was probably being delusional and paranoid, I know that now. But at the time, I was seriously letting James get to me. I thought that Scorpius _was_ being handsier and more aggressive than usual. We ended up snogging in a broom closet. Looking back, it might have been the Room of Requirement. That's how out of it I was – I don't even know what freaking room we snogged in.

Before I go on, I just want to say how, er, slow Scorpius and I have been moving. And I mean _really_ slow. All we do is hold hands and snog and talk and stuff. We haven't even given each other hand jobs or blowjobs or anything. None of that stuff. We both agreed we were going to take it slow and I didn't think we were ready.

Until we were making out in that broom closet. Scorpius seemed like he was more into it than usual and I couldn't stop thinking of Jams the whole time we were making out (that sounds really gross but you know that I mean) and eventually I stopped Scorpius and told him what was going on. Yes, I stopped my boyfriend from kissing me to tell him about my stupid brother's theory that he was planning to have sex with me.

Scorpius didn't really understand why I was upset. He thought the whole thing was funny and I started to get mad because he wasn't being very comforting. I almost left but then he started taking the whole situation seriously so I stayed to hear what he had to say.

He said that he really liked me, but wanted to wait to have sex until we were older and until we knew each other better. We talked about it for a while and we were pretty mature about it. Well, I knew Scorpius would be because he's mature about basically everything but I was (pleasantly) surprised that I could have a conversation about sex without giggling like a madman.

So we ended up just sitting in the broom closet and talking. We didn't continue snogging because my mouth hurt and Scorpius wanted to talk. We could have talked somewhere else because the broom closet was small and stuffy and smelled weird, but…I wanted to be alone with Scorpius. And also, going outside requires talking to other people and I don't want to do that. I've been feeling kind of anti-social lately.

That was my night. It ended up not being so bad. I feel like venting about my brother some more so I'm going to go find Scorpius. Bye!

-Albus


	22. Chapter 22

Wednesday, May 5, 2021

This will probably be a short entry because I just got back from an _S.T._ meeting and I'm pretty tired. I wasn't even going to make an entry but I'm not quite ready for bed yet and I have a few things to get off my chest. Nothing really bad, though, so don't worry.

There have been a lot of newcomers at _S.T._ lately, which I think is really great. It's amazing how some stupid club that Louis started a few months ago could help so many people. That's how Louis met his boyfriend, did you know that? It's kind of funny that that's where I met Scorpius, too. Louis is the ultimate matchmaker.

But wait, there's more good news. Scorpius and I are considered regulars at _S.T._! We're like the veterans! You know the kids who have been there for a while and are comfortable enough with themselves to give the newcomers advice? THAT'S ME! It's pretty exciting, isn't it?

So anyway, now it's time to get to what I wanted to tell you about. I tend to get off topic very easily. There was this newcomer today named Gary. He's a Slytherin in his 6th year and he seemed really nice and normal, like the other newcomers. He was talking to Scorpius and I was talking to some Ravenclaw in her 3rd year named Alison. She had a lot of questions and she kept me pretty occupied for a while, but I didn't really mind. The only bad thing was that she kept me from noticing Gary getting all up in my man.

Okay, so maybe I exaggerated a bit there, but Gary _was_ flirting with Scorpius! It was so obvious that I couldn't believe I didn't notice it before. The only reason I _did_ notice was because Louis's boyfriend interrupted me and Alison to let me know. What a good guy. Alison was a little annoyed when I ditched her, but I'll just apologize to her next week and I'm sure everything will be fine.

So I casually entered Scorpius's and Gary's conversation and you know what? Gary _still_ didn't stop! Even when Scorpius introduced me as his boyfriend! What an ass. I waited a while to see if he would stop then and when he didn't, I very nicely to stay away from my boyfriend. To be exact, I said to "flirt with someone else because Scorpius is taken". It was weird because he didn't even put up a fight. He just huffed and muttered, "Whatever," and whatever. What a sore loser.

I was feeling pretty proud of myself but I was also scared that Scorpius would be mad. Luckily, he wasn't. He was shocked and actually a little pleased. He said it was because he had never had anyone get jealous over him before and he kind of liked it. It was probably also because I must look really hot when I'm jealous. Just throwin' that out there.

-Albus P.


	23. Chapter 23

Monday, May 17, 2021

Guess what? Finals are coming! Oh Merlin, why did I sound excited about that? What has become of me? I think I've been spending too much time with Scorpius and Rose. Bloody nerds are rubbing off on me. Okay, that was kind of mean, but I have been spending _way_ too much time in the library for my own good. The smell of smelly old books is permanently engraved in my nose, I'm sure of it.

I was in the library with Rose today because Scorpius was doing something else. He told me what it was, but I can't remember. It must have something to do with being in a cramped library with Rose all day. I swear, it's toxic if you stay in there for too long. It makes you forget stuff.

Notice how I never complain this bad when I'm studying with Scorpius. That's probably because Scorpius lets me takes breaks and entertains me and he's cute. Rose is a complete psycho when it comes to studying. I didn't get one break, not one! Not even to go to the Great Hall for lunch. I could have starved. I'm not even sure I remember a single school-related thing that we talked about all day. My brain is fried. School sucks.

Okay, so I'm definitely not excited for finals any more. Woohoo, I'm cured! Maybe Rose _did_ do some good.

All right, maybe I'm being too hard on her. It wasn't _that_ bad. Rose just scares me when she goes into Studying Mode. When she was done shoving facts in my head for the day, we talked for a little while and bonded a bit. We didn't talk about school or anything (although I'm sure Rose would have liked to, ha ha). Instead, we mostly gossiped about stuff that is going on in our family.

Some examples are that Hugo is going to quit the Quidditch team so Rose can get her spot back. Hugo convinced her to come back because he thinks she needs to do something for fun besides studying and hanging out with her friends sometimes. He wanted her to come back, even though that meant he would have to quit. Isn't that nice of him? The scary part is that I can't say I'd be able to do the same.

I think another reason that Hugo wanted Rose to come back is because he was tired of James ranting and hyperventilating about the O.W.L.s coming up and warning to "be afraid, be very afraid". He had started cancelling practices in order to study and that was just going too far in Hugo's mind, so he had to step in. What a team player.

So as you've probably guessed, James is freaking out about his O.W.L.s. Big surprise (not) but he put off studying for them until the last minute and now I'm afraid that he's going to have some kind of mental breakdown. I'm not sure if I'm ready to see him like that. At the same time, seeing him freak out is making me motivated to take my O.W.L.s, even though they're still a year away. It makes my study sessions with Rose a little more bearable. It's comforting to know that I won't ever be in James's position because I've started studying for my O.W.L.s now. I do feel a bit bad for him, though. If only he had made better study habits…like me! Ha.

Did you know that my grades are almost at the top of the class now? Scorpius and Rose are really proud of me, especially Rose. She says that she'll keep being proud of me until my grades threaten to surpass hers and then she has to do something drastic. Ha, who knew Rose was so funny? At least, I think she's joking…

Oh, and another thing. Rose has informed me that Teddy and Victoire's four year anniversary is coming up soon and I should think about getting them a gift. Now by soon she means September, but she knows that I will delay in getting them a present so she decided to do me a favor and warn me ahead of time. How nice of her.

It's kind of unbelievable how long Teddy and Victoire have been together and how they're still totally in love. I want a relationship like that with somebody. Maybe that will be me and Scorpius one day. Who knows?

There's one last thing that I have to get off my chest. It was the main topic of discussion between Rose and I in the library today and it's making me feel all rotten inside. According to the Daily Prophet, my parents…aren't doing so well. I guess they fight all the time and are filing for a divorce. Now I know that even though Rita Skeeter doesn't work for the Prophet any more, it still doesn't exactly publish the truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and that's making me feel a _little_ better, but…I wish I knew for sure.

I don't want my parents to split up. I don't want to only see my dad on the weekends and I don't want a step-mom or step-dad or any more siblings. I want my family to stay exactly as it is and for my parents to still be in love.

Okay, okay, I think I need to stop thinking about this because it's making me depressed. Oh, it's too late. I'm depressed and I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

-Albus


	24. Chapter 24

Tuesday, May 25, 2021

I would like you to know that I feel much better now than I did in my last journal entry. I decided to write a letter to my parents over the weekend about my worries because they always make me feel better. They wrote back saying that their marriage is fine and that the _Daily Prophet_ was making things up, as usual. They also said that if something ever _was_ going on with them, they would make sure that I heard it from them first and not the _Prophet._

That's comforting, I suppose. It's a bit annoying that the _Daily Prophet_ is _still_ trying to cause trouble for my family. When I was a little kid, people with cameras and quills were always chasing me and my family around whenever we went out somewhere. James and Lily loved the attention, but I always hated it and wanted the camera out of my face. I still do. I don't really understand it.

Now that I'm positive that my parents are fine, I have had time to focus on making a list of all the presents I want for my birthday, which is in sixteen days, by the way! I sent the list to my parents and told them to tell my aunts and uncles what I want as well. It's really nice having a big family because I usually get everything I want and then some for my birthday. Here it is:

-Galaxy 5000 (broomstick)

-New pet food for Simon

-Art kit

-List of books: _Forrest Gump, The Catcher in the Rye, The Outsiders, The Thief Lord, The Perks of Being a Wallflower_

-Socks

-Camera

-New pillows

-Slippers

Have I mentioned how excited I am that I'm turning fifteen? Fourteen is so young and lame, but fifteen is when I'll start to feel old and mature, I can feel it. At least that's what Scorpius tells me. Speaking of my dorky boyfriend, once I turn fifteen, he has to stop calling me youngster and treating me like I'm five.

Well, I suppose he still could but at least now I get to tell him to shut up without looking like a baby. Did you know that Scorpius says I have a baby face? I think he meant it as a compliment, but I'm not sure whether I should take it as one or not. I mean, come on, a baby face? Does this mean I still have my baby fat or is my face just babyish? Merlin, I am going to be thinking about this all day now.

You know what I've noticed about Scorpius? He's really shy and awkward around other people, but when he's with me he's loud and goofy and tells lame Dad jokes. I was thinking about that the other day and I have come to the realization that I am dating a boy who is just like my dad. I AM DATING MY FATHER.

I was really weirded out for a while after this, but now I'm starting to think that it's not so bad. My dad is my hero and I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with someone who is just like him.

-Al


	25. Chapter 25

Thursday, June 10, 2021

It's my birthday! As of today, I am officially fifteen! Normally when I have a birthday, I don't feel any older than I usually do, but today is different because of a very special incident, but I'll get to that later.

I love my birthday. It's my favorite holiday, even if it technically isn't a real holiday. Whatever. I got everything I wanted and then some (which was expected). I got wished a happy birthday by everyone that I know and even by some people who I don't know! I'm not sure why I'm surprised by this, though. It happens every year.

So I was mad at Scorpius earlier. Yes, on my birthday. I should probably give you some more backstory before I go into it. You know how Scorpius likes to give me presents…all the time? And you know how I _never_ give him presents, ever? Well, I was thinking about this last week and I felt really horrible about it so I told Scorpius not to get me anything: no expensive gifts, no drawings, no flowers, _nothing._

And do you know what that bastard did? He bought me a gift. He _claims_ that he bought my present weeks ago and it was too late to return it, but I'm not sure if I believe him. I was miffed at him and wouldn't talk to him for a little while, but then I realized that I was mad at him for buying me something on my birthday and how _ridiculous_ that was, so I stopped being mad.

I think Scorpius felt bad about it. Actually, I _know_ Scorpius felt bad about it because…well, I'll get to that later.

I started reading one of my books today and it is _amazing._ I asked for those books because Scorpius and some of the kids from my _S.T. _meetings said they were amazing and that I should read them. So I started and they were totally right! I love having friends who can introduce me to new stuff. I also tried out my new broomstick around the Quidditch field and all of my friends are jealous. I finally let a few of them have a turn on it so they would stop whining about how lucky I am for having rich parents.

I don't think I should keep you in suspense any longer, so I am going to "get on with it" and tell you about what Scorpius and I did today that _really_ made my birthday special. I'm starting to feel really nervous about writing it down because what if someone finds this journal? Obviously that would be bad in the first place, but if I put this in here, it would be _really bad._ Like, some random person would be reading all my embarrassing thoughts and then they get to this entry and BAM! Now everybody knows what happened between Scorpius and me.

And I told Scorpius I wouldn't tell anybody!

Ugh. I need to relax. I'm acting like a total girl. Okay, I'm just going to spit it out. Scorpius felt bad about getting me a gift (I never thought I would hear myself say…write that) so he gave me a hand job in the bathroom. It was the boy's bathroom right next to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom so we were pretty sure that no one would walk in on us, but Scorpius told me later that the entire time he was on the lookout just in case Moaning Myrtle poked in at us through the toilet or something.

At the time, when he told me that it was really funny and looking back, it's _still_ really funny. I wasn't even worrying about that because I was in Pleasure Land but what if that _had_ happened? Merlin, that would've been bad…and embarrassing!

It was really awkward at first because Scorpius didn't know what he was doing and neither did I because we've never done anything like this before. All we've done before is kiss. I told you we were moving slow! I'm still in shock a little bit, but now that it's over I'm glad we did it. And not just because it felt totally awesome, but because we opened a new door in our relationship.

I'll probably have to give Scorpius a hand job next time, which will be weird because I have nothing to do while he's moaning next to me. I guess it will be nice to know that I'm making Scorpius happy, which is what he told me. I dunno. Well, I'm off to bed now. This has been one of my best birthdays yet!

-Albus Potter


	26. Chapter 26

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

Merlin's beard, I have so much to tell you. The best/worst thing ever happened to me today. But don't worry, I won't keep you in suspense like I did last time. I'm just going to come out and say it: Scorpius told me he loves me.

I know! What the hell, right? If you think I sound ungrateful now, you should have seen me when he actually told me. I was awful.

I'm going to explain the situation so maybe you can understand where I'm coming from. We were doing our homework under the tree next to the lake because if I never see another library, it will be too soon. Besides, it's summer and I want to be outside and enjoy myself, even if that involves studying. I was studying my notes for some class (I don't even remember) and I asked Scorpius a question about it and found out that he wasn't even studying. He was just staring off into space like an idiot. I pointed this out to him and he said he was just thinking really hard about something and to not call him an idiot.

I didn't think much of it then, but now it seems obvious what he was thinking about. Eventually, we got tired of studying and took our books back to our separate common rooms. Then we met back in the courtyards and talked for a bit. I was going to find James to ask him about something and I told Scor goodbye. Scorpius kissed me for a long time and when he pulled back, he looked into my eyes and said, "I love you, Albus."

The moment was really intense and would have been romantic if I hadn't freaked out and ruined it. I got really awkward and started to blab and I ruined _everything._ He must think I'm such a dork. But the thing was, I was _so_ shocked. I did not expect him to admit that to me anytime soon because I thought I was the one who cared the most about our relationship.

I crossed that part out because I realized how horrible of a person I was after I read it. Seriously, what is wrong with me? My boyfriend tells me he loves me and this is how I react? Ugh. Okay, I guess I'll explain because I'll feel like a tool if I don't. This sounds really bad, but…I've always felt like our relationship meant more to me. I always thought that I was the one who was taking it seriously and Scorpius was just along for the ride.

That sounds even worse than I thought. Oh my God, what is wrong with me? I don't even deserve Scorpius. All right, time to stop feeling sorry for myself and go back to me ruining everything. Like I said, I got all blabby and talked really fast about how it was so nice of Scorpius to say that and I'm really glad he feels that way about me, but I just don't feel that way about him just yet. He was really nice about it (once he got me to slow down so he would understand me), which is expected because Scorpius is the nicest guy ever and, again, a jerk like me doesn't deserve him.

Everything worked out in the end but I still feel WAY guilty about how I handled the whole situation. I just couldn't believe he said that. And only a few days after our little…bathroom activity. Do you think that has anything to do with it? Do you think he's only saying he loves me so I'll do more sexual stuff with him?

Okay, I need to stop right now. I don't understand why I can't just accept that Scorpius loves me without creating some elaborate scheme in my head where he tries to get in my pants. I don't know what's wrong with me.

I think I'm going to write to my dad and ask him about it. It'll be weird because Scorpius is a Malfoy and he gets protective of me dating and stuff, but who else can I talk to? I would get too embarrassed telling Lily or my mum and James would be a jerk about it. Rose, Louis, and Alice just wouldn't get it and I wouldn't want to tell anybody else. So my dad it is.

I'm going to stop writing so I can write to him and ask him what the hell went wrong with me while I was being developed. Bye!

-Albus S. P.


	27. Chapter 27

Saturday, June 19, 2021

You will never believe what I have accomplished. Well, it's not really _my _accomplishment, it's Scorpius's, but I gave him little nudges along the way. I'm super proud of him, by the way. You know, in case you haven't picked that up. Scorpius stopped smoking for me! Yeah, he did that for _me._

All of our time in the library made him really cut back and he saw how happy it made me that he wasn't smoking, so he quit altogether. He did it to make _me_ happy, even though he says it will totally ruin his artsy fartsy image (okay, maybe he didn't say it _exactly_ like that) and that Nicotine patches are costing him a fortune. He also says that he craves them so bad sometimes that he just wants to say to hell with me and run out to buy a pack of cigarettes as fast as he can.

I'm sad that Scorpius is so stressed and grumpy now, but it makes it even sweeter that he's putting himself through that for me. That probably sounds really weird and twisted, but whatever. I'm excited that he's quitting because smoking causes freaking lung cancer and it's a big deal to me that I can save just one person. Plus I won't have to kiss a smoker any more. Yuck.

The only downside is that Scorpius had been a bit fresh with me lately. I'm getting a little annoyed with him, but am trying to remind myself that he's only like this because of me. It's worked so far, but if he snaps at me to be quiet and read one more time, I am going to throw a book at his head. Scorpius won't smell like cigarettes any more, either. You know how cigarettes were a part of his signature smell? They won't be any more and that makes me kind of sad.

Oh, whatever. At least I won't have to kiss him after he's done smoking and then feel like gagging afterwards. Scorpius didn't like it when I would make faces after he kissed me, even if it _is_ because of the smoke on his breath. Having to pretend like I wasn't disgusted all the time was exhausting.

I'm going to go check on Scorpius now and make sure he's not cheating. I know this has been a short entry, but I really only wanted to tell you that one thing. So, bye!

-Albus Potter


	28. Chapter 28

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Gryffindor lost the House Cup to Slytherin last week. I was going to tell you in my last entry, but I forgot. I'm pretty bummed because I trained for weeks for that game and our team totally blew it. Now Slytherin can taunt us for one more year…great.

Now that I've finished writing down _that_ scrap of bad news, I'm going to move on to happier things. But before I do that, I have _one more_ depressing tidbit. Louis and his boyfriend broke up yesterday. It sucks because it seems like they just got together and Louis was so happy, but he told me that they agreed to still be friends. I guess that's pretty mature of them, but I don't know how they'll make it work.

All right, now onto the good news. Everyone at the _S.T._ meetings made tye-dye gay pride t-shirts to wear at the rally. Louis convinced most of us to go so I will be seeing a lot of friendly faces at the rally. It will be nice to know that I'm not alone. That sounds kind of stupid because my entire family is going to be there, but I guess I'll feel better knowing that my gay friends are there supporting the cause, too, you know?

Scorpius made one too but I couldn't get him to try it on. He claims it's because he wants to wait until the rally, but I think it's because he's self-conscious. He probably looks really awful in tye-dye or something. That's weird because tye-dye reminds me of hippies and Scorpius kind of reminds me of a hippie, so they should go hand-in-hand. I dunno, maybe I'm being stereotypical.

I'm rambling again, aren't I? I get really blabby when I'm nervous and I can't stop shooting my mouth off. Is it stupid that I'm nervous? I mean, I'm pretty sure that the law will get passed, so why am I nervous? It's weird, because I'm at school surrounded by all my friends and the kids from _S.T._ and I'm super confident that the law will get passed. Like, there's no doubt in my mind. But then I go home and I'm not supported by my friends and it starts to seep in that the law isn't set in stone. It's scary because I like to believe that there isn't a chance in hell that it won't get passed. So I guess it does make sense that I'm nervous, in a way.

I just started finals and I am already totally wiped. I don't know how kids like Rose and Scorpius can just keep chugging along and not miss a beat. I feel like I have to keep winding myself back up after every test. I also feel like I failed every test after I take it and I get all panicky. This is why I hate finals. At least they're almost through, though, right? Then I can finally take a much needed break.

I think I'll go bug Scorpius about putting on his tye-dye shirt again, and see how he's doing with not smoking. He's still going along with quitting!

-Al Potter


	29. Chapter 29

Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Summer break is finally here! I'm so glad finals are over. Seriously, I feel like my brain is fried. I'm just glad that I have a few weeks until I get my results back, so I don't have to worry about it. I was kind of sad packing up today because this has been my best year at Hogwarts so far and I didn't want it to end. Let's just hope that next year is as great as this one was.

I sat with my family on the train and Scorpius sat with his friends from Ravenclaw. I'm sad that I won't be able to talk to him for two months, besides letters, but Lily told me that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" or some crap like that. Who knows, maybe I can convince my parents to let Scorpius come visit?

Speaking of Scorpius, he introduced me to his parents at the train station. It was really awkward because I could tell that my parents were staring at us, but I pretended not to notice. Scorpius's parents seem really nice, even if his dad does scare me a little. He didn't give me any dirty looks or threaten me or anything, he's just sort of…intimidating. I mentioned that to Scorpius and he says that his friends tell him that a lot. He also said that his dad isn't so bad once you get to know him. I hope that Scor and I are together long enough for me to get to know him.

I was going to have Scorpius come say hello to my family again at the train station, but he politely refused. I think he's still scarred from the last time he interacted with my family. James is such a tool.

The first thing I did when I got home was I listened to my mix tape again. I was just lying on my bed, listening to it and thinking about the school year and how great it was. I couldn't bring myself to unpack my bags. I was all happy and deep in thought when James came into my room when the One Direction song was playing. Merlin, he had a field day with that one. I tried not to let it bother me too much, though. Scorpius once told me that James couldn't help being an arse, that's just how he is. Maybe he's right.

Anyway, my mum is yelling at me to come downstairs so I have to go. I should mention that I'm almost out of pages in my journal, and this is making me even more depressed about leaving school. I'm probably going to ask my mum for another one, but I'll make sure she keeps it on the DL. If James found out that I not only wrote in my journal, but I also wanted _another_ one, he would never let me live it down. Huh. It kind of makes you wonder what James did with _his_ journal, ya know?

-Albus S. Potter


	30. Chapter 30

Thursday, July 1, 2021

I got back from the rally at the Ministry a few hours ago. I would've written sooner, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It's nearly midnight now and I've been avoiding everyone since I've got back, except for my dad, but I'll explain that in a minute.

You can probably guess that the gay marriage law didn't get passed. You probably couldn't guess how heartbroken I was. Merlin, it was one of the most embarrassing days of my entire life. I was there with my entire family, and Louis and I were wearing our tye-dye shirts. Scorpius was with his family somewhere else, but I didn't get to see him until the very end. It just sucks because I was _so_ sure that the law was going to get passed, only to have the stupid Minister crush my hopes. I know Kingsley Shacklebolt is a good man and a friend of my dad's, but I really don't care. I hate him.

The Minister gave this really long, boring speech and by the time it was over, I didn't even understand if the law had gotten passed or not, because his speech had so many big words and it lasted _forever,_ so I sort of tuned out. Then my dad put a hand on my shoulder and a hand on Louis's and he said really quietly, "I'm so sorry, boys."

Louis was pissed. He started raging and stomping around and saying it wasn't fair. I didn't know what to do at first. I was in shock. Then I started noticing everyone staring at us – staring at me – and I wished that Louis would be quiet. I saw everybody laughing and sneering at me and I felt like I was suffocating. I ran away from my family and into the crowd and I heard my dad call after me, but my mum told him to let me go.

The first thing I did was I took off my tye-dye shirt and I threw it in the trash can. I was wearing a wife beater underneath so it wasn't like I was shirtless for the rest of the day, but I just couldn't stand to wear that shirt any more and have people look at me wearing and know I was gay. I knew that the people who didn't want the law to get passed were all smug and pleased with themselves. I tried to hat them, but what I actually wanted was to be one of them. That's why I took the shirt off. I didn't want anyone to be able to know on sight that I was gay. For the first time in a long time, I really wished I was straight. I had never felt so ashamed of who I was and it made me want to die.

I wandered around for a while. I didn't know where I was going and I didn't know the way back to my family, either, but I didn't care. I wanted to be alone so I could feel sorry for myself. I don't know when and I don't know how, but Scorpius found me. He was crying pretty hard. It was only when I saw him crying when I realized how much I _wasn't_ crying. He hugged me close and I buried my face in his chest and we stayed like that for a long time.

Then someone yelled the F word at us (you know which one) and I felt like throwing up. I pushed Scorpius away from me and started walking away, but he followed me. He asked me where my tye-dye shirt was, but I didn't answer him. I think he knew the answer. He tried to take my hand and told me not to let the homophobes make me feel bad, but I shook him off. I just wanted him to leave me alone. I told him that (actually I yelled), but he just shook his head and said he didn't think I should be alone right now. He said I might do something stupid.

"I'm not a baby," I told him and he just looked at me sadly and told me he loved me again.

That made me feel better in a way, but it also made me feel worse. It made me feel better because I realized then that I loved Scorpius, too, but it made me feel worse because I couldn't love him without being judged. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but not there. Not surrounded by sweaty, hateful people who were probably happy that Scorpius was crying.

So I said, "Thank you," and I told him that I was going to go find my family. He nodded and said he should find his parents, too, and then something awful happened. He leaned down to kiss me goodbye but I jerked my head away so he kissed my cheek instead. I wouldn't let Scorpius kiss me. I immediately regretted it and wished I could take it back, but he left so quickly that I didn't get a chance to.

I found my way back to my family, but I wouldn't look at any of them. I got into the car with my parents, brother and sister and James asked me where my tye-dye shirt went.

"I threw it away," I said.

"Why?" he asked.

I didn't answer him.

Everyone in the car told me how sorry they were, but I just ignored them and stared out the window. Everyone was silent on the car ride home. When we got to Grimmauld Place, I locked myself in my room and turned on my mix tape. It was kind of nice, being able to listen to it without James teasing me. At least one good thing will come out of this: James will have to be nice to me for the next few days, out of pity.

I stayed up there all night and I missed dinner. It was around ten o' clock when my dad knocked on my door and asked if he could come in and talk to me. Mum probably sent him to check on me. I said, "It's unlocked," and he let himself in and shut the door behind him. Then he sat on the edge of my bed and we talked for a long time.

He told me not to feel embarrassed of who I am and a lot of other comforting things, but the thing that really stuck out to me was this: "Think of it this way, Al. Just because the law didn't get passed today doesn't mean it never will." That really got me thinking. By the time I'm old enough to get married, the law probably _will_ be passed. Who knows, I might even marry Scorpius. But then, I might not. But right now, I should focus on doing something right now. I have to go now, and write to Scor. I have to tell him that he needs to come visit over the summer because I really need to tell him something.

-Albus Severus Potter

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**A/N: That's it! The last chapter has been written and Al's journal is all filled up. I had a lot of fun writing this story (and this last chapter is one of my favorites) so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**


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